I don’t want a bf anymore, because I see men are only nice in hopes of having sex with me. They do not give a damn about who I am, where I come from and where I an trying to go. Their sole purpose is to get sexual gratification or pass the time. Basically, they come from a place of need or scarcitiy and view me in those lens. I think who I would like to find, someone emotionally available, spiritually grounded, giving secure, empathetic with compassion for others does not exist. I see men blind to their own sexism and misogyny as well as racism/colorism. I see men that are transactional; they give to keep score not because they care about me. I see just how callous, empty, controlling. distant or clingy a lot of men are.

I finally see my friend, a queer man, was right about how deeply entrenched sexism and misogny is in men. Let’s not even get started on the lack of regard for Black women. Why keep retraumatizing myself in hopes of finding the ONE guy who doesn’t feel entitled to my body? Who listens to what I have to say? Who takes responsibility for his words and behavior when it causes me pain and gives a real fucking apology, not those “sorry that you feel that way” no apology apology. Who does not see my vulnerability as being too sensitive or emotional? Who actually sees me as a human being whose value is not in what I do for him but is INHERENT?