Hi Redditorial Staff,

My GF and I broke up 6 months ago. I really thought and mostly still think she was the one, and we’ve both echoed that thought since we broke up, but she increasingly seems to want nothing to do with me, not even friendship, so I’m doing the smart thing and emotionally detaching too. She left an abusive relationship literally days before meeting me, then we swept each other away for a fairly blissful year. She got more and more distant after about 8 months, once she felt stronger and more healed, until she said she’s ‘not ready’ for a relationship and broke it off because she ‘needs more time’. I’ve grappled for months with whether she’s being 100% honest, or if it’s inherent unattraction to me, or a combo. Either way, I DO see how I contributed to the breakup (general messiness, untimeliness, lack of direction and focus) and have been worked doggedly on improving myself after I grew too comfortable. I’ve found acceptance and made self developmental strides to the point that I’m basically happy with myself. I’m self-fulfilled, content with my goals and direction, am rebuilding a big social life, am more dynamically active and creative, and have a way healthier relationship with myself.

But I feel like I’m in emotional purgatory. I can’t seem to enjoy any new women really, have trouble investing much, and I know this is partly because I can’t imagine finding a better fit than my ex was.

Fueling this further is the fact that I have many friends who had one, two, three, four or even five breakups with their current SO’s and spouses. Mine and I have slept together and hung out since breaking up, but contact has effectively ceased lately. She seems to want nothing to do with me in the past month or two (to her credit, I was measurably clingy until now). Part of me thinks she’s having flings right now, which makes me want to beeline for Tinder and Hinge, but neither has done anything for me yet, and I’m fairly grossed out by it anyway. I mostly just reach out when I’m lonely as hell. I’ve met other girls since we broke up, but they’ve gone nowhere because of mutual or one-sided unattraction.

My intuition says 1. “give her the time and space she needs, she’ll come back if it’s right” which sounds so content and peaceful, but then again 2. “If she wants nothing to do with you ever again and just isn’t saying so, you need to move TF on”

Many of my friends say she seems confused in general. She has wildly varying moods and I can see she’s trying to establish her identity.

My heart says to keep a window open for her. I feel like I need to make a decision to either move on or stay waiting for her, but maybe I do both? I keep a friendly window open while exploring other options?

Is this relatable to anyone? Has anyone else played a breakup waiting game? Did you reunite, or stay splits?