I’ am a woman born and raised. I am mentally masculine

K not much to go off. But I like guys generally that I get this type of energy off of. But I don’t get what it is? So first guy I was an possible way involved in in that way was like that. Just like the last guy. But The thing is I don’t what that is/ Both individuals are I think bisexual. The first guy said things and acted very gay without actually admitting to being bi. This last guy went up and said he’s bi leans toward females 80 to 20. Both talked a lot about people thinking they were gay even though they weren’t. Not a shock for me because I have a gender issue so I guess that makes sense. Since in a reality I am mentally male so like I’ve talked to other ftms before transitioning to live as men Is it that? There’s a thing that makes me question myself. Ok so the main thing is like the guy I lost the v to went on a long tirade originally of all the weird stuff he wanted to do with me like tying me up strangling me and just I forgot most of it generally anyway so I always notice I could tell there was an energy thing that I liked about him generally his was very strong I was like mortified scared while heavily attracted etc… Anyhow this last guy I hooked up with was saying he likes to do stuff all like that and was dominant. The thing is with this is I’m very kinky as well. But I’m a dom so that really doesn’t make sense. I thought maybe it had to do with lasting longer? Idk is that it? What is that energy? Is it mental illness? I notice I can have a thing for like mentally cracked guys too. What is exactly is that and how do I fix that? Because I think it’s not healthy. But I’m like easily drawn into it? Advice?