Author Archive: /u/metallica11

The Constant Burden of Performance as a Guy

Any other men just completed exhausted not only trying to be “that confidence, charismatic” guy when talking to women and during dates.

All I want to do is get to know someone and have a good time, if anything comes out of it its a bonus, that’s how I view dates. But I always feel like there is this additional expectation that I am charming/charismatic/ultra confident/witty. And whenever I fail to meet this expectation is when women run

This is coming from times I’ve met women and heard they were not interested because I was “a little more shy” or “I didn’t project my voice enough” or “they met someone more charming”. It doesn’t help that I’m bombarded with advice from female friends, from youtube dating coaches and from society about how they just LOVEEEE charming charismatic men. nothing more attractive than a man who has is back arched back, talks in DEEP MANLY VOICE THATS SLOW, throws a witty one liner every now and then. Any semblance of anxiety – nope – instant ladyboner killer. nervous on a first date? (oh god forbid you are a little nervous when on a first date.) – better NOT SHOW IT otherwise its OVER.

Ok, I Get. we all have to play the part. Women spending all this time on makeup/hair/clothes to look good for dates/to go out.

But as a natural introvert, its completely exhausting.

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Gay guys always seem into me, but straight women seem to never gravitate to me or act funny around me

Yeah yeah yeah, I know what you are going say “happens to me too duh….guys are just hornier and more open”.

But my situation is a little bit weirder.

the past decade or so, I’ve learned that 4-5 of my male friends were actually closet gay and ended up “falling in love” with me. from seperate friend groups. In fact, I struggle to make friends with straight guys because half the time they end up being closet gay. I always meet a new gay guy in a group, and immediately start getting eyed. or he finds me on snapchat and starts sending me nudes

“hey! congrats OP, it probably means you are attractive…what are ya complaining about?”

Well, yeah, Women don’t really show the same behavior. in fact, I’m often passed up/ignored or they act just….weird around me sometimes. I’ve never gotten the same “crush confession” or “she likes you you know” from women that I get from guys.

I feel like a lot of men get some intertest from men and some interest from women if they hang out with both sexual orientations. I get a TON of interest from men and basically no interest from women or just weird behavoir from them.

when I asked for advice some of them said “well you look kind of young and youthful, gay guys like that but a lot of women want someone more masculine looking with facial hair/etc”

this happen to anyone else?”

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