I see a lot of people, particularly women, feeling ashamed that a guy only wants something “casual” with them. They think there’s something wrong with them.

The myth is that this guy is “high quality” and the girl’s not good enough for him, so he throws her a bone and offers casual instead while he looks for a higher quality woman. That’s a bunch of bullshit.

You could be the world’s most beautiful, intelligent, hilarious girl and this could still happen to you. Because the truth is, when a guy doesn’t want to commit, he doesn’t want to commit.

What I recommend to people is to ask a potential date in the first few messages on an OLD app, “hey so what are you looking for?” 9/10 times, the guy knows exactly what he’s looking for BEFORE EVEN MEETING YOU. Think about what that means.

If he wants a hookup, he’ll say he does. If he wants a reliable FWB, he’ll say that, and if he wants a relationship, he’ll be clear about that too. I’ve done this personally and most guys will be totally honest.

What I’ve found from personal experience after doing this (only with guys I was initially physically attracted to on apps):

The guys wanting “something casual” were not ANY better than guys who wanted something serious. In fact, they were likely to be emotionally stunted and seemed to be less empathetic people.

But in terms of physical attractiveness and career success, the guys wanting something serious were on par or slightly better than those who wanted something casual.

So do yourself a favor. If you want a relationship, go for people who want the same as you do. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but at least you didn’t get your time wasted by some loser.