I am hoping some people can shed some light on WTF is wrong with me. I am a 26F. Been single for a while, but date/hook up with guys here and there.

About 3 years ago I started hooking up with a guy in one of my social circles. He immediately got feelings and wanted to be more right away, but I was still in love with someone else and brushed it off saying let’s be friends. And we are! We’ve become really good friends the past few years. He’s someone I could talk to until the sun comes up… however, I occasionally get crushes on him and hook up with him but then stop it before it develops into anything more…because idk. I guess I’ve never had strong enough feelings for him to commit.

Well now he has started hooking up/ seeing this other girl and I’m jealous and I like him and I want him now. More than ever. I cannot get him out of my mind and I hate that he has moved onto someone better.

Also, I went on a couple dates last week with 2 different guys and these guys keep texting me because they are interested in me and very persistent on going on more dates and I literally cringe at their texts and have zero reciprocation in the interest.

Why cant I just like a guy when he likes me?

In reality I think I’m just straight up jealous and pissed my friend moved on, but why? Why do I like him and want him more than ever now when we’ve both been single this whole time????

I sound like such a terrible person and feel like one too tbh. I want a relationship so bad but my feelings never cooperate. I’m picky and I’m jealous.