I (F) remember going through high school feeling sad that no one expressed interest in me, and the few times where I worked up the courage to confess to someone, I was turned down. I didn't know what to attribute my failures with; was the problem my personality, my clothes, bad skin, hair, etc.
As a default, hearing my family members and relatives tell me I was attractive didn't mean anything to me, as I rationalized that family was obligated to be polite to you. It still hurt when relatives expressed shock that I hadn't been asked out or in a relationship. The real salt on the wound was probably having to watch a couple of my friends asked to prom, while I spent the day of prom at home trying to keep busy to not focus on how much my feelings were hurt.
When I graduated and began college, I downloaded dating apps and for the first time, did have guys express interest in me and went as far to say they found me attractive. I went on dates and had a relationship, but I could never wholeheartedly accept or believe when someone would tell me they found me attractive. I didn't make some drastic change from high school to college, nor did I have a glow-up.
To this day, I still have the same interests, same body type, dress similar, and still don't wear makeup. And to this day, I still feel like I'm not attractive and don't believe people when they tell me that. I just don't understand, coming unchanged from one environment to another, yet I hear I'm told I'm attractive now. But if that was true, why didn't anyone in high school tell me or express any interest in me? Sometimes I wonder if I'm being made fun of or lied to.
It's not healthy but I just have no clue how to feel.
submitted by /u/LifeEntrance
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