I feel so STUPID for falling for someone again… only to get played and lied to AGAIN (OLD rant)

OLD. He was 35M, I'm 30F. I figured because he was older maybe he was a bit more mature. He said he was looking for something serious.

First few weeks, we hung out a lot. He tells me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever dated. He tells me he's excited for me to meet his family. They'd love me, he assures me.

I, the Idiot, am excited. I, the Idiot, am hearing wedding bells in my ears.

I, the Idiot, have heard too many times about women "not doing enough." So I tried to do enough. I complimented him often. I'd come over his place with a warm home-cooked meal. We took turns planning dates so he could see I was just as interested. He had just bought a house so I bought him a special home-warming present. Nothing expensive, but custom-made and very thoughtful.

Then something changed. It was subtle, but I, having been ghosted too many times, can pick up on it. He's no longer setting dates. So I call him out on it, ask him if he's no longer interested. Ask him to please be upfront. "That's not it at all" he assures me. Plus, "I'd never ghost you. I've never ghosted anyone. Believe me if this is ever over, I'll let you know. I wouldn't want to waste you or anyone's time."

Guess what he did?

*poof*

​

I, the Idiot, am left with a stupid custom-made gift I had made for his new house. Small, but thoughtful, an ugly reminder of how much I TRY, how much i WANT to find somebody, how much im WILLING to compromise, and meet you in the middle. How much of MYSELF am willing to put forward.

But he lied to me and didn't care. Didn't even bother with a good bye conversation. Only a month of dating, but still.

And so I add another streak to the dozens.

How many more heartbreaks will it take? Or am i destined to live the rest of my days with health sure, with friends, sure, with a rewarding career sure, but alone? Just very very alone.