Lack of intimacy killing me

Throwaway account as I’m pretty embarrassed. Long post if you take the time to read & respond thank you so so much. Originally posted in r/sex but figured I’d post here too

Myself (23M) all throughout high school & college never really had any problems with my dating / sex life, women in general. I dated multiple girls, sexually active, and had friends with benefits type deals, and also sex aside I’ve always (and still do) have strong platonic friendships with girls.

I graduated from college a year ago, and moved back in with my parents like a lot of people my age do. I’ve spent the year back home working various jobs & studying to get into a graduate program.

And last June was the last time I had sex. Coming up on a year with no sex. Longest time since initially losing my virginity. And the longer it’s gone on, the more it’s been killing me. I feel we’re all human & it’s normal to have “urges” but beyond just straight up sex, the lack of intimacy hurts me a lot. Like just laying down with someone cuddling watching tv, that kinda shit. Right after graduation I wasn’t really focused on it. I was more concerned with working on myself / figuring out my life n career plans. But then the time just flew by and all of a sudden it was the late fall / winter, and I felt like I was finally ready to put myself out there.

From November to March (pre pandemic) I just found it super difficult to put myself out there, living at home in my parents house in the suburbs about 25-30 min away from the city I live near. First time in life where I wasn’t constantly surrounded by people, specifically girls, my own age in school / social settings. And the less frequent, more “adult” social settings I found myself at, whether it be concerts / bars / clubs / pregames etc, I just feel like I would always fall short of meeting new potential partners, and would only run into girls from my past. Plus it didn’t help that I live like 30 minutes out in the suburbs.

I hate how true the whole “we want those that don’t want us, and those that do want us we don’t want” attitude feels with me. I know for a fact there are girls that are into me if I made the effort, and It’s not that my standards are too high or I’m shallow about looks, i just really identify as an emotional lover(if cringe I’m sorry) and if I struggle to connect with someone beyond a surface level, despite how much I want sex, I don’t want to ever just use a girl for sex, it feels empty. I don’t want to “dupe” a girl just for sex. I see the catch -22 this could look like?

I struggle with making the effort, I try to avoid being consumed by my phone & texting, snap chatting, instagram, but these are all “tools of the trade” if I may, when it comes to dating in the digital age. It’s exhausting to keep up with.

I have some super close, very attractive friends that are girls that I have deep connections with beyond the surface level, girls I would very much want to be with romantically. Because I feel like they get me & really do like who I am. Physically I have no clue if attracted to me. But I’m sorta lost on how to make that jump / let them know how I feel without ruining friendships & or making them feel uncomfortable.

And oh yeah, I didn’t even mention the pandemic. But I feel like that halted things for everyone.

If you took the time to read this, thank you so much. Is all this normal? I feel very fulfilled in my life aside from my sex life / dating life, and its really fucking with my psyche. Any advice / insight / similar stories much appreciated. Hopefully after this summer I can move out for my grad program to a different city still sorta close to my hometown, but it’s not like that will magically solve my issues. And I get currently with the pandemic / political upheaval right now is a weird time for everyone. I pray this dating slump will end soon